


Just Be You

by spideyranger



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Autism, Autism Spectrum, Autistic Spencer Reid, Canon Autistic Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-14 09:48:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29416635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spideyranger/pseuds/spideyranger
Summary: Spencer was late diagnosed because of his mother’s reticence in dealing with institutions. Despite having had problems throughout childhood and stereotypically autistic presentation, Spencer’s late diagnosis (prompted by Gideon to help his case in being cleared from qualifications) makes him feel unworthy of the Autistic label. He’s hesitant to call himself Autistic and do the visibly “autistic coded” things such as stimming. This is an exploration of how Prentiss came to find out about Reid's autism and try to help Reid embrace it.
Relationships: Emily Prentiss & Spencer Reid
Comments: 8
Kudos: 64





	Just Be You

“So how did you manage to get into the Bureau?” Prentiss asks. She and Reid are standing in a local precinct in Las Vegas. Reid pauses working on the geographic profile he’d been creating. 

“What do you mean?” His fingers twitch as he looks at her out of his peripheral. Prentiss is casually viewing a case file at the table in the center of the room. 

“Well, you’re not quite ‘field material’ and obviously you’re one of the smartest people I’ve ever met, but it takes more than book smarts to join the Bureau. There’s a whole lot of physical tests involved too, not to mention the firearms qualification. 

Earlier today, Morgan was telling me about the time he gave you a whistle since you hadn’t qualified to carry a gun yet. I was just curious.” 

Prentiss looks at Reid sideways, her head tilted away from the file. Reid chews on his lip for a second, thinking about how he should respond. 

“I was recruited by Jason Gideon, he was on our team for a while before you came. He helped me pass all of the exams I physically could. And the stuff I couldn’t he was able to get excused with a diagnosis. Kind of like having a Doctor’s note to get out of P.E. in K12.

All he and Hotch had to do was prove I would be a valuable asset in other ways. It’s why I do a lot of the precinct work. I slowly passed the tests as I got older and had more time to practice, and was allowed to venture out into the field more.” Satisfied with his response, Reid nods his head and turns back to the geographic profile.

The next day, Reid finds himself alone in the room set aside for the FBI working on the geographic profile some more. Although the room is empty, the blinds are open to the rest of the precinct and various members of his team are milling around utilizing the precinct’s resources to work on the case. 

Unknown to Reid, he’s visibly stimming and catching the eye of various members of the town’s police. When he’s not flipping through files or moving points on the map, his left hand is flapping while he’s gnawing on the knuckles of his right and emitting a persistent hum. 

Prentiss and a local LEO walk into the room discussing the case. The LEO stops, eyeing Reid for a second before continuing his statement. Once done, Prentiss calls out to Reid trying to catch his attention. 

When he doesn’t respond, her brows furrow. The LEO, Harlan, chuckles. “I have an Autistic brother who is the same way.” He says shaking his head fondly at Reid.

“What we generally did was either let my brother come out of his trance naturally or for more urgent situations we applied pressure to his shoulder and said his name. Those spells can be hard to break” Harlan says chuckling again. 

“Uh huh” Prentiss says softly before walking up to Reid and trying out Harlan’s suggestion. Reid yelps as soon as she makes contact and jumps back slightly. 

“Yes?” He asks, confused. 

“Uh, I just wanted to know if you had any updates on the profile” Prentiss says scanning Reid. Despite the self-stimulatory behavior he didn’t seem upset. 

“Yes!” Reid exclaims before launching into a detailed update of his progress.

Once he’s done, the LEO excuses himself to discuss the updates with his boss and Hotch while Prentiss stays behind. 

“If you don’t mind me asking, yesterday you said Gideon helped you get a diagnosis to help get you past certain exams so you could join the Bureau. Did that diagnosis happen to be Autism?”

Reid freezes, eyes downcast. 

“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that of course, I was just trying to better understand you. And--”

“--Yes.” Reid whispers. 

“Yes…” Prentiss repeats, wrapping her head around the confirmation. 

“I know I don’t really seem Autistic, I mean I’m...functioning. Which is why I never really share it.”

Surprised Prentiss shuffles a few papers while she gathers her thoughts. “What makes you think you don’t seem Autistic?” 

Reid shrugs. “Most of those of us who are late diagnosed don’t seem Autistic. Which is why it took us so long to be diagnosed in the first place. To be honest, I don’t even identify as Autistic really. I mean it doesn’t feel right, you know. I’m taking up space from people who really need that label.”

Prentiss sighs. “Reid, I don’t think you see yourself how we see you. You’re always stimming--even if you don’t realize it. I mean when I walked in here you were flapping your hand, gnawing on your knuckles and humming. You’re always doing one of those--honestly I’m surprised your knuckles don’t have permanent bite marks. And you grind your teeth, spew facts, don’t pick up on our jokes, and so many other things.

I know those things alone don’t make you Autistic, but they do make it evident to those around you. Even the LEO who came in with me commented on your autism and he has literally never met you. I think you really underestimate how you come across to others. But also, even if no one could recognize your autistic traits just from looking at you, that doesn’t negate your diagnosis at all. You’re still Autistic even if you’re one of the only people to know…” Prentiss trails out. Reid is hunched over his case file, an uneasy look on his face as he anxiously bites his bottom lip.

“Okay,” he says, turning away from Prentiss, clearly uncomfortable. She takes that as a cue to leave, shutting the door behind her. 

Reid avoids her for the rest of the day, and it’s not until they’re on the jet headed home a few days later that they speak again.

“I asked my mom when I visited her if anyone had ever mentioned me being Autistic when I was a kid” Reid whispers to Prentiss after bypassing his usual seat on the couch to sit next to her on the jet. 

“Yeah?”

“She waved it off and said it was brought up a couple of times since I was 2 but that I proved them wrong. S-she didn’t even want to talk about it. Kept getting angry because she felt they were making it up and trying to ‘ignore my brilliance’”. He finishes, frowning, before quickly getting up and laying down on the couch. 

A few weeks pass and Prentiss notices the way Reid has become increasingly self-conscious of his movements. Stifling stims, echoing laughs at jokes you can tell he doesn’t understand, and spewing less random facts and statistics. 

The team comments amongst themselves about it for weeks, curious as to what caused the shift in Reid’s behavior before Prentiss confides in them about the conversation she’d had with Reid weeks prior about his autism. 

No one is surprised at the confirmation of Reid’s autism diagnosis, although most are surprised that he received it late considering how obvious it is that he has it. But no one is happy to hear about how ashamed he is of it or to see how much he’s been trying to stifle his natural way of being so as not to appear Autistic--which if they were honest had the opposite effect and made him look more awkward, out of place and Autistic. 

Together, they decided to buy Reid a chewy necklace that he can slip under his shirt and hide, but use to stim with instead of gnawing on his knuckles or lip.

Prentiss offers to give it to Reid along with a note that reads:

The team and I got this for you to stim with. It’s a chewy necklace that you can use instead of your knuckles. I know we haven’t talked much since the case in Vegas, but I want you to know that you’re valid and you’re loved. You don’t have to try and hide your autism and if you’re not ready, you don’t have to fully embrace it either. Just be you. 

Prentiss

**Author's Note:**

> I highkey wrote this on an impulse so it might be a bit awkward lol. As always, leave fic ideas in the comments!


End file.
